Including the World-Famous Iconic STUPID NINJA JOKES
With Also Some Un-original Jokes, In Classy New Renditions
|by Christopher Fulkerson|
|"They used to laugh when I told them I wanted to be a comedian, but they're not laughing now!"|
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Question: Why did the Stupid Ninja think he was invisible?
Question: Where did the Stupid Ninja think he could get supplies for his stealth mission?
I find that this category of joke absorbs other jokes, especially the more awkward "Blond" jokes. Here is a "Blond" joke that everybody I have spoken with agrees works better as a Stupid Ninja joke:
Question: How do you get a one-armed Stupid Ninja out of a tree?
Clearly, it is more plausible for a Stupid Ninja to be up a tree, than a blond. I therefore declare my right to appropriate jokes that are better suited to the category of Stupid Ninja joke, than the category of Blond joke. And so I hereby demonstrate how I appropriate Blond Jokes, and other jokes, as my own Stupid Ninja Jokes, by offering the following examples:
Q: What do you do when a Stupid Ninja throws a hand grenade at you?
Q: Why did the Stupid Ninja stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
In this way I plan to build an entire Stupid Ninja Empire. Don't say I didn't warn you! And there's more:
A stupid ninja went to his initiation, which was a group competition with the reward of a virgin. The ninjas were to climb the highest mountain, swim the widest sea, and then go to two tents. In the first tent they were to pull a loose tooth from the mouth of a lion; in the second, was the virgin. Most of the competitors were eliminated after climbing the highest mountain, and one ninja was well in the lead after swimming the widest sea. He entered the first tent, and immediately the lion could be heard roaring and screaming, and all feared for the ninja. But then the lion stopped roaring, and the ninja stepped out of the tent.
I don't volunteer to be eaten.
COMEDY GAME: Continue this string of names of bars in San Francisco: In the Marina: "The Tipsy Pig;" in the Haight: "The Trippy Pig;" in North Beach ca. 1955: "The Hipster Pig;" in the Mission ca. 2005: "The Hipster Pig" (lower level of credibility)...etc., etc., etc.
When he got there, the devil said to him, "It's good you arrived on a Sunday. Let me ask you something:
"Do you like to EAT?"
The fellow said, well, yes, he likes to eat.
"That's good," said the devil, "On Sundays, we all eat ALL DAY LONG. All the chefs come to Hell, so we have chefs from every era and country. We have every kind of food. You can make your own. You can eat far more than you ever would on Earth, and you'll never have indigestion."
Wow, says the guy. Uh, what do you do on Mondays?
"Well," says the devil, "Let me ask you, do you like to DRINK?"
Heck yeah, says the guy.
"On Mondays, we drink ALL DAY LONG. All the bartenders come to Hell, and we have every kind of spirit, so you can get the most expertly mixed drinks ever created. You can drink far more than you ever would on Earth, and there's no after effect whatsoever."
Incredible, says the guy. But, er, what do you do on Tuesdays?
"Let me ask you something," says the devil. "Do you like to do DRUGS?"
Shucks, says the guy. Yeah.
"That's good," says the devil, "Because on Tuesdays, we do drugs ALL DAY LONG. All the pushers come here ,so we can get you any drug... pot... LSD... Ecstasy... any designer drug you like. Uppers, downers, anything you can pop, smoke, or spike. You can do all the drugs you want, in any combinations and more than you ever would on Earth, and there's no after effect whatsoever."
Astonishing, says the guy, starting to loosen up a little. And what do you do on Wednesdays?
"Let me ask you something," says the devil. "Are you GAY?"
The Minister General of the Franciscan Order went to the Pope and said, “Holy Father, the Brothers and I have studied the question, and after much prayerful meditation and reflection we have decided it would be most appropriate if we were to smoke while we say our office.”
The Pope replied, “No, that doesn’t sound right.”
The Pope just shook his head.
The Superior General of the Discalced Carmelites went to the Pope and said, “Hey Daddy-Oh, we think it would be super cool if we could, like, smoke as we say our office!”
The Pope said, “Not really.”
The Superior General of the Jesuits went to the Pope and said, “Me’n’th’boys, we’s thinkin,’ it would be really great if we could, you know, smoke while we’s sayin’ our office.”
To which the Pope replied, “Good idea!”
COLD WAR JOKES
A Soviet composer got a commission to write a symphony for the opening of a factory. Unexcited at the prospect of writing a "factory symphony," the composer got drunk.
Two Soviet workers are talking. One of them says, "I attend all the weekly Party classes, and all of the monthly indoctrinations, and I never miss the annual retreat. But I still cannot answer for myself the question, 'What is the difference between Communism, and Capitalism?'"
First Three Ninja Jokes Copyright 2010 by Christopher Fulkerson, first version of this page posted 1/23/2011. Updated 7/16/2012. Updated 12/28/2013.